do you ever wake up and remember your dream so vividly that it kind of scares you? like, was that real or a dream??
I don’t generally remember mine with a lot of detail and clarity – but last night was a doozy.
all I’ll say is there was police, illegal substances, foreign countries and my passport involved.
xo
my love of film has awakened, again. I’m back. OLD camera (new to me), mechanical, noisy, lego-like in how it’s pieces fit together and I LOVE IT! first images from the Hasselblad are below. the detail, the textures, the depth and range of tones are rich and velvety. ohhh, hassey – I see a long future ahead for us. ❤
<click each image to enlarge and enjoy>
xo
some days are just hard. challenges, roadblocks, obstacles have been popping up and try to bring me down all day. what is happening? I’m having the hardest time being a duck today and just letting this all roll off my back.
xo
my first love.
if you’re old enough you’ll remember cameras that only took film, you’ll remember having 3-4 rolls or even bags of film from vacations to drop off to get developed. you’ll remember the wait and anticipation to pick them up days or even up to a week later. you might remember forgetting you had images to pick up, and they’d be there for you – your captured moments to relive months later. or you’d forget you had exposed the first half of the roll in the camera with no idea what was on it.
those are my memories of film as a child and teenager. the smell of the empty canisters, the naughty desire to pull the tab and just expose the roll to see what it looked like. the excitement to open the packages and see what came out and what didn’t.
in high school I modeled a bit and I remember getting film contact sheets to see my proofs. 8×10 prints from sessions shot with film. thinking back on it – that was pretty cool.
it was also in high school that I developed my first rolls. the darkroom was a magical place. the science, the waiting, the enlarging, the magic of seeing the paper release the images in the solution bath. I think that was when cupids photography arrow hit me. seeing an image come up on a “blank” piece of paper – and knowing that the image is something you wanted to capture is a moment you don’t forget. doing it now in a local darkroom with a full understanding of what’s taking place gives me the same childlike sense of awe.
while I love the instant ability to see and adjust my images with my digital bodies, there is just something about shooting with film. this weekend I rented a Hasselblad 503 cm, and finally loaded my own Mamiya c300. Swedish and Japanese medium format film cameras. I shot three rolls of 120 film – each has only 12 exposures. you have to think, plan and get it right, because what you’re working with is finite. the images will be square (yay!!) 6cm x 6cm, and the negatives can be scanned so that I can adjust my files digitally. while I love dodging and burning, and reprinting in a darkroom – I don’t always have time, and it can take a lot of time.
I love the very mechanical nature of both of these camera. the winding and loud “clunk – clunk” of the shutter on the Hasselblad. there is nostalgia and history baked into every shot.
I can’t wait to see what comes of my initial attempts, and to decide if the Hassy is a body the will work for me. cameras are like handbags – when is enough enough? teehee
film. it’s making a come back – but it’s always been my first love.
I’ve loved this image from the moment I shot it. there are those split seconds where you just know its a good one – this was one.
this is me. it is my work, but it is also how I have felt and how I feel on occasion.
in my work there is a repeated visual of curling up. I see it now that I’ve been through my recent set of critiques. curling, going inward, the body made circular, womb-like. I think it’s something for me to explore. as an introvert I immediately relate it to my need to recharge by going inward, but maybe there is something else to it.
I’m reading ‘Quiet, the Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain, and it’s fascinating how much it’s telling me about me, about my struggle to always be “on” or “to push myself out there” – where I’m not comfortable at all. it’s fascinating how clearly she describes the world as over time becoming a place based in extroversion. current day example — Tony Robbins makes millions on selling the idea of success tied to being extroverted.
I personally know there is power in calm, quiet approaches – but in a world that is constantly yelling it can be hard to be seen or heard.
I’m not quite half way through the book, and I am hopeful that she will have guidance and insight on how to use my Quiet for good!
this is me. it is my work, and it is hanging in my house. the first fine art piece that I’ve framed and hung.
happy thursday
xo
I come away from the last three days of hearing the stories, advice, and words of guidance with new energy.
the reason I picked up a camera (as a child), was to save memories. to continue to add to the collection of images my parents had created. boxes and books of prints that I could spend hours on my bed looking at, studying, thinking about “that time when….”.
the day photo’s of my great-great relatives where found in Houston after my grandmothers funeral was amazing for me. it was a window into another time, another place when life was very different for African Americans. without those photographs I would not have been able to be a witness or experience it in a small distant way.
photographs have a power – the power to make you stop and think. to reflect, to appreciate beauty, simplicity, the harsh reality of a time period, the human connection, the grand-ness of this planet. nothing else can visually stop time, tell a story in a fraction of a second, tell the truth or fabricate the authenticity of a moment.
the last three days showed me that real photography still exists. that it is hard work, that it can take you places you’d never dream, that there is longevity, and critical thinking, and a way to find your place in it all. I think we are in the midst of change in the industry, an evolution of sorts. the ease of access to cameras (dslr, film, phone) has created a new population of photographers. new digital mediums to share the day-to-day images that will someday become the digital memories that I used to daydream about in the boxes and books of prints are abundant. my advice — don’t forget to print those memories.
though six critiques I learned my work has a place. it may have been very different from the other attendee’s, but it has substance. I learned that the journey ahead of me will come with lots of ebbs and flows – moments of doubt, and joy. I learned that shooting what I love, what I care most about, and shooting it from inside me will make it mine. I learned that opinions matter, but my vision is what will sustain me. honing in on that vision and shooting it until it feels right is my mission.
I have a story to tell. it’s my story, but I also think it’s everyone’s story. photography is the tool I use to tell it. photography is still my way of saving memories. it is how I document that I was here. that is why I pick up a camera today.
xo
my first professional set of critiques happen in a few days.
select 20 images – print only (which makes me very happy), and get ready for six professional photographers – with 15-30 years experience to one at a time, sit and go through your work.
augh.
breathe.
freak out.
I’m ready because without this I won’t know.
here we go………
he is my rock, my example for what a man should be. he is opinionated, hard on the outside but compassionate on the inside. he works hard, and has instilled the “always do your best” attitude in myself and my siblings. he lives life by doing. maintains a young heart by staying connected and molding the youngest members of our family, but his years of living life have created concrete beliefs and attitudes that are his and his alone. they are what give him character and make him my dad.
his smile, his laugh, his hand on your shoulder. they are the things I don’t take for granted. his wisdom, words of guidance (even when it’s not exactly what you want to hear) and words of encouragement are jewels to be treasured.
happy birthday dad! here’s to another year….
xo
it’s a rainy Friday morning and I’m dressed in all gray (and black of course). it fits the day and fits my mood. kind of low key, cozy, and relaxed.
earlier this week was just the opposite. I got my first image published on the cover of the everything bloom newsletter.
there was dancing and singing!!
to be published in as many places as possible, that fit my esthetic of course is the goal this year. online and print.
cheers to the first one!!
xo
2/20/15 update:
second feature!!
clutter. stuff. things.
it comes in a physical form, a digital form and a mental form. it comes with value and with absolutely no value. it can slow you down, hold you back and even block what you’re meant to receive.
it’s February second and I’m not really a resolutions person. I set goals for myself and do what I can to achieve them throughout the year. similar to resolutions – I start out strong, give it my all, and somewhere near May or June things start to relax.
2015 is my year of simplification. organization. scaling back. giving more and putting others first.
my goal is to write about the measures I take to achieve these things throughout the year and how it makes me feel, what the outcomes are and if there are benefits or drawbacks associated.
stay tuned….
xo
she said, saw and ate 