two thousand and sixteen.

struggle, learn, network, grow, awaken, create, gather, reflect, intention, change, listen, heart, spiritual, healing, power, print, darkroom, need vs. want, gratitude, focus, social impact, loss, empowerment, reshape.

I started this blog by just putting down whatever words came to mind when thinking about this past year. they were written in no particular order, and I think they do a pretty good job of capturing the labor process of my 2016.

the year was pivotal. for me it was a year of preparation for a new beginning. it was also a hard year for most of us, a year of sadness, confusion, frustration and disbelief.  I think those things are the precursors to change as well.  there is something happening in this world, something coming, and my gut tells me that we will survive, we will be changed, and it will get better.

to pause and look back on this year, I am going to try to write one sentence for each word I’ve listed above. M isn’t mentioned specifically in any of my reflections, but he was an integral part of every one of them.

struggle: There was a heavy sense of discomfort in the biggest parts of my life that ultimately was my own struggle to work through.

learn: Learn and grow – they are interdependent, and this year I did a lot of both.

network: Living in San Francisco made creating a personal network of “super-guides” easy.

grow: The need for space that would allow me to grow personally, grow vegetables and flowers, and to prepare for future growth of my family was a huge driver this year.

awaken: When a veil is lifted from your eyes, you awaken to see the world in a different way.

create: Create a plan.

gather: I looked back, way back, to gather ideas for future photo shoots.

reflect: Take a moment each day to reflect on what presented itself and what lessons were provided.

intention: State your intention in the positive, as the universe hears the ask itself and not the part you “don’t want”.

change: Oh boy, change is exhilarating, and scary, and freeing, and hard.

listen: I learned this year that everything is here for us if we listen to our inner knowing.

heart: Place your hand on your heart, feel it beat, and know that you are alive and present in this moment.

spiritual: Becoming open to and aware of my own spiritual path was a giant step for me this year.

healing: Physical changes to my body, and the letting go things that were not mine to carry both required different types of healing time.

power:  The power to change the course of my life was within me, and it’s within you too.

print:  Making things tangible through print was a huge focus at the beginning of the year, and I can’t wait for the plans I’ve made to come to fruition.

darkroom: I spent a lot of time in the darkroom printing images from the last few years by creating my own digital negatives.

need vs. want: When conflicted, I learned to find clarity by journaling what I need vs. what I want – there is generally a big difference.

gratitude: The #gratefulproject2016* was my way to show and share my daily gratitude for the everything around me this year.

focus: In an image where everything is in focus it can be hard to see the details, so I chose to keep my aperture wide this year and focus only on a handful of things.

social impact: More than a year without Facebook, and the social impact of technology is still strong for me, but it is quieter, and curated to what I actually care about.

loss: There will always be loss, it is the balance of nature – but this year it was pervasive.

empower: Weird as it may seem, Beyonce’s “lemonade” empowered me and I think all women, to FEEL and express what they need when going through something with their partner. #notjealousorcrazy

reshape: this was the year of “realizing stuff”, and the year I was able to reshape my body, my relationship, my job and what the next phase of my life will focused on.


— it will be what we make it, so stay hopeful, stay positive, find your tribe and take steps to focus on what makes your heart sing. 

I want to say I am so proud of my kiddo’s for all they accomplished in 2016! it was a huge year for both of them, and I couldn’t be happier for what their futures hold.  cheers!

xo – nat

*#gratefulproject2016 can be reviewed on my instagram account: @tallienatt

reduction | home day 1

we arrived an hour before surgery was scheduled. greeted by Colette (super nice nurse) who got me changed and my paperwork filled out. she started my IV while the anesthesiologist asked me 2-3 times when the last time I ate was.

after I was dressed and prepped with what to expect from the happy juice, dr Anthony came in to have a chat. We looked at memes from the Cavs and Warriors games. he had me totally laughing at a few basketball jokes, and I was no longer nervous. he drew on my back and all over my chest and stomach. he showed me where my new nipples would be and how much fullness I’d have. the nerves were coming back, and I was givin a Valium to help out. within 10 minutes they were walking me into the operating room. I climbed under a warm blanket, and woke up in the recovery room. literally it happened just like that.  try to get comfortable in this cold operating room and before you feel like you’ve fully laid down – I was waking up.

they called Marcus and he arrived in an uber within 10 mins. Megan – another nurse helped me off the bed and into my sweats. she helped me into a wheel chair and was my chatty ride giver to the curb. she touched my shoulders a lot – that’s all I really remember. I know it was probably to let me know she was there, but it was annoying!

the ride home was quick, and getting into our place to the elevator took forever. I got to the house, and I to my chair that was all set up, with a ton of deep breathing and cursing.

once the pillows & pills and tinctures and bottles of coconut water and notepads were all set up (2:00pm) I was good.

bathroom beaks were excruciating, but it was day 1 and this with everything eles has to get better.

say bye bye bye ( . )  ( . )