an unexpected wave

she’s here. my mini-me. for a few days of love before the new year. she is my everything – always has been, but as we drove home from the airport – my stomach began to turn on itself, and the pain of the first week of ‘knowing’ flooded back in.

noooooo. this is not what I expected. how can it be that my own daughter is now a trigger for the pain of this situation. I was with her when this happened.  Focused, and caring for her as a mother does, when she, in her post surgical state had to care for me as I fell apart. I refuse to let this thing he did affect one of the most precious relationships I have.

couldn’t sleep. the pain was back with the same level of intensity as in the beginning. my body was shutting down again.  I sat crying in the living room before the sun rose, and she joined me crying herself at her own anxiety from being sucked into a situation that is not hers.

we will tread slowly, keep our communication open, and acknowledge what is now a transition for mother and daughter.

the ripples of destruction continue….

0600 hrs – day 23.

One thought on “an unexpected wave

  1. Here I am taking a few days off to rest, contemplate the winter energy and catch-up on the lives of those around me when I come across your posts. I am heart broken for you. I realize nothing I can say will change what or how and why you feel such pain, but know that I love and cherish you for the most beautiful lesson anyone has ever taught me: humility feeds strength. I know that in your own perfect time and process, you will come out of this even more graceful, more wiser and even more loving. And if you need a break from your current surroundings, mi casa es su casa.

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