reduction | week 1

so I was told I had to pull the day 1, 2 & 3 posts until I was less narcotically impaired!  the “cleaned” up versions went up a few days ago.  ūüôā sorry if you stumbled through the raw rambling versions before I pulled them. LOL

week one has been roouugh.  I have to think things will get easier – they have to get easier. the hardest thing has been sleeping and getting comfortable for more than an hour at a time.  the pain has been really tolerable. I’ve been on tylenol only since day 4 and it’s really all i’ve needed (except at night to sleep).

the girls are very oddly shaped right now, but I have officially been released from the compression bra. itchy means healing and I know they have some dropping to do – so let the reshaping unfold.  it’s really hard to gauge my new size – really hard. dr said full D, but the realization of that is still weeks away. 

happy for a sunny day in San Francisco!

( . ) ( . )

reduction | day 2&3

more of the same. I’ve just begun to get my legs undernearth me, and trying to stand up straight is a joke. from what can see the girls look smaller and much perkier. getting comfortable is impossible, and my throat ¬†is beginning to get better – still scratchy for the most part. I’m pretty swollen, and it’s¬†hard to tell fully what’s¬†been done, but I am only 3 days post op, so patience and sleep is all that’s on my agenda. Oh yea, I did have acupuncture today which was great and helped me sleep. Taylor gets here today and I think my mom ¬†had something delivered. it will all wait until naps are over.

( . ) ( . )

tired and sore.

xoxoxo

reduction | home day 1

we arrived an hour before surgery was scheduled. greeted by Colette (super nice nurse) who got me changed and my paperwork filled out. she started my IV while the anesthesiologist asked me 2-3 times when the last time I ate was.

after I was dressed and prepped with what to expect from the happy juice, dr Anthony came in to have a chat. We looked at memes from the Cavs and Warriors games. he had me totally laughing at a few basketball jokes, and I was no longer nervous. he drew on my back and all over my chest and stomach. he showed me where my new nipples would be and how much fullness I’d have. the nerves were coming back, and I was givin a Valium to help out. within 10 minutes they were walking me into the operating room. I climbed under a warm blanket, and woke up in the recovery room. literally it happened just like that. ¬†try to get comfortable in this cold operating room and before you feel like you’ve fully laid down – I was waking up.

they called Marcus and he arrived in an uber within 10 mins. Megan – another nurse helped me off the bed and into my sweats. she helped me into a wheel chair and was my chatty ride giver to the curb. she touched my shoulders a lot – that’s all I really remember. I know it was probably to let me know she was there, but it was annoying!

the ride home was quick, and getting into our place to the elevator took forever. I got to the house, and I to my chair that was all set up, with a ton of deep breathing and cursing.

once the pillows & pills and tinctures and bottles of coconut water and notepads were all set up (2:00pm) I was good.

bathroom beaks were excruciating, but it was day 1 and this with everything eles has to get better.


say bye bye bye ( . )  ( . )

xo

reduction

tomorrow I undergo breast reduction surgery. I’m nervous, excited, and anxious. ¬†I think all of these are normal emotions before a major surgery, and probably a little more appropriate for an elective surgery.

the relationship I’ve had with my “girls” has been one of love and hate for as long as I can remember. ¬†as a pre-teen I couldn’t wait for the sign that I was becoming a woman. ¬†I’d stand in the mirror checking for any indication that breasts were beginning to form. ¬†I’d even talk to my older girlfriends who were already fully developed to understand what I should look for and they told me to hold my hands up over my head and if I could still see my chest protruding that was when I’d know I had boobs. ¬†Week after week I’d stand in the bathroom, or in my bedroom with my hands raised up like I was being robbed, looking for the sign of my boobs.

once they started developing it seemed like they were on a race of their own. I blew right through training bras, past A, B and C cups until I landed firmly in the land of D. ¬†My mother worried about my back and forced me to wear full coverage, front closing bras with back braces in them. ¬†They were the most unflattering, uncomfortable bras I’d ever seen. ¬†I wasn’t even allowed to sleep without them, and when I tried I generally was uncomfortable allowing my breasts to be free.

as a senior in high school I was all boobs and extremely self conscious. nothing fit my chest appropriately, and the choice I had for pretty bras was non-existent. ¬†some of the women on my mothers side of the family were also well endowed, so I came by my “girls” naturally.

as I matured, dealing with my breasts was something that was just a part of my life. ¬†I knew what I could and couldn’t wear, I knew that the grooves in my shoulder from their weight in my bras, and the stabbing of the underwire was just part of my life. I even knew that while I was pregnant that they would potentially increase in size and not get smaller.¬†I was determined to breastfeed both of my babies, and I did so successfully. ¬†I grew to an L cup (almost double the size of my newborns head), and worried that I’d suffocate my daughter¬†while feeding her.

as the years have gone by, my breasts have landed comfortably at a G cup, the grooves in my shoulders have discolored my skin, and I’ve developed a skin rash under my breasts due to the skin to skin contact. It has been difficult to exercise, to find swimsuits that are flattering, and to do normal daily activities¬†without neck and back pain. ¬†Never did I attribute my headaches, or always tight shoulder to the size of my breasts, but as I researched breast reduction I learned that my life of discomfort could be 100% attributed to their size.

today I thank them for all they have done. I thank them for nourishing my children, and for rounding out my figure. I thank them for teaching me how to use my brain to get what I wanted and not rely on them as physical assets.  I thank them for being a part of me for all of these years.

tomorrow I¬†undergo surgery to reduce their size, to lift their position, and to relieve my neck and back. I’m nervous, excited, and anxious to¬†see the outcome.

I plan to journal my way through this transition, and hope that my experience helps any women thinking about a reduction.

( . ) ( . )

xo!

2015 | grateful for another year 

just wanted to drop a quick note in your inbox before this year ends. I am so grateful for all the opportunities, ups, downs and connections made this year. I hope your year was one you can look back on and be grateful for every day. 

cheers to 2015, and to the new year!

xo – natalie

     
from the Caribbean Sea to you! (the blog on this adventure coming soon…)

check them out

check them out

there are 2 new places you’ll find my thoughts and images:

tallieimages.com

liveexploreobserve.com

the websites have been split to provide more focus on my fine art work, and still allow me a place to share my landscape, daily shooting, and documentation of my family work. ¬†they both have their own blog spaces, so I will be updating those places more frequently as it relates to photography. ¬†please take a minute to visit and bookmark both¬†sites — and as a bonus, on tallieimages, you can¬†sign up¬†for a periodic newsletter announcing updates.

I hope to see you in the new spaces!!

xo

natalie

create

I need to shoot. to take out my camera and create. it’s nagging at me – to continue to tell my story. to figure out the next set of work. 

no time to think. to conceptualize. to create sets in my head and figure out how to materialize them. 

to create stylized phases of an overall session. to identify model models and get hair and makeup scheduled. 

I need to shoot. to take out my camera and create.